So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
this just has baby written all over it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
