Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
