Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
