Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
