My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
