This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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