..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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