whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
