I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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