I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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