I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
