someone get that fucking seahorse.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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