So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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