At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
