...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Randomize
