She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
