i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
