I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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