I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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