Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
