If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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