I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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