Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
