ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize