y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just want to make out with him forever
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
