I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Randomize
