the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
