Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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