We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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