Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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