i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He felt like a one man threesome
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
