I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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