So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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