I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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