i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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