i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
