I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
