She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
