Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
