you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
