I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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