A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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