Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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