Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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