Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
