So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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