im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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