I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
