If i come over, it means nothing
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
