Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
