She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
