What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
