i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
