She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
