So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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