So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize