you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
