Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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