That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
