if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
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