I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
