If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
