I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
