he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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