I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
