grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just want to make out with him forever
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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