I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
